If you are a family man in Zimbabwe, who is law abiding and is not into shady deals, you have had it.There is practically no way you can tell me that things are fine for you at this time of year, particularly ‘this’ time of the year.
Personally, I am seriously considering putting my family under judicial management.
Then I don’t have to worry about all the monies that I owe people. Or better still, I could ask that my family and I be turned into state property.
The only problem with the former would be that I would have to wait until the next budget to be funded. Now that is a very long time to wait for a stipend.
At any rate, unless you are a gold-panner (know as Makorokoza) or a diamond dealer who has escaped the jaws of Operation Chikorokoza Chapera or some form of corrupt activity…you should be on your knees praying for a miracle.
Things are tough, mshana. But some get by through divine intervention alone. Take the guy who earns Z$20,000 (revalued as opposed to devalued) and is supposed to pay school fees worth Z$80,000, not to mention shelling Z$40,000 for transport.
That leaves absolutely nothing for rent, food and beer!
Even injiva, as migrant workers from South Africa are known here, felt the heat. They beat a hasty retreat towards Beitbridge the moment they discovered that their rand wasn’t worth jack. Those who had planned to stay a couple of weeks more were spotted pawning their cell-phones on Boxing Day just to enough fuel to reach the border, heyi wena!
‘Mara kuyabheda apha ekhaya fethu!’ they were heard cursing under their breath.
What they failed to do, arrogant as they usually are, was to ask those of us with experience on survival tactics, such as pushing your car half way to town from Pumula to save fuel.
We would have told them about ‘cruising’ (with the engine switched off) from ‘D’ Square to Happy Valley, as long as the ‘robots’ are green or amber or unless that police road block cum toll gate at the Nguboyenja fly-over isn’t there for some inexplicable reason.
They also made the mistake of driving around with a car bearing GP number plates.
Unless you robbed a bank in Nelspruit, that is a red flag for the traffic police.
My advice was for them to park it out of sight and borrow a ‘better-than-walking’ from the neighbour.
He would be so glad because it would be the first time in years that the jalopy had a full tank of fuel.
Better still, they should have melted into the crowds by using what we plebeians use for transportation…good old kombi, Bra!
We might be risking our lives on a daily basis but what other choice do we have? Walking?
Ungabi ngucleva when riding a ‘commuter’ asking uwhindi (tout) such silly questions like whether he got a receipt at that road block.
Hell hath no fury like a tout scorned! He is likely to eject you with the words, “Hamba wena uyebabuza ukuthi yindaba!” (Go and ask them yourself!) Such is the life of survivors, to mind your business when others are doing theirs. No matter how elicit.
What about the queues? Not the ones at the bank, nor the ones for bread at the supermarket. I mean the queues at every school in the country.
Parents are begging headmasters to give them enough time to rush off to Marange or Bocha (where there is an outbreak of the precious stone) so that they can raise money for the fees.
There is practically no way a salaried person can afford those fees, never, unless the head is a distant relative or a drinking buddy, khohlwa sibali.
And this thing about rising prices each time we turn our backs. Greed is one thing but what is happening nowadays defies definition. I think its time those handcuffs did their job on some unscrupulous individuals once again. Just ask the managers from that bread company though it seems to have worked well for them. Hours after being sprung from the cells did the legal price of bread quadruple. It definitely sets a bad precedent for crafty capitalists.
I hope we are not going to see some managers volunteering to be arrested for illegal price hiking so as to coax a higher figure from the authorities. Funny things really do happen sometimes.
Quote of the Week: “Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.” Unknown
What it means:
Injiva or Imtshifana. Zimbabweans who have gone to South Africa through various ways and means are come back to show off their being well off. Usually loud, pompous and arrogant.
Gold Panners. (Makorokoza) have wreaked hovoc on the environment answering the call of greed by digging anywhere they think gold is at.
Currency revaluation. What happened to Zimbabwe's currency by striking off the last three zeros to allow suffreing citizens to carry decent loads of cash made near useless by quadruple digit inflation.
Operation Chikorokoza Chapera (Lit: Gold Panning is finished) A police dragnet that attmpts to arrest the widespread destruction at its perpetrators
‘Mara kuyabheda apha ekhaya fethu!’ "Its tough at home for sure"
GP number plates. The licence plates found on vehicles from Gauteng Province (Joburg) as called 'Gangster's Paradise' with good reason
'Ungabi ngucleva' Don't be clever and a half.
Marange or Bocha These are places in the Eastern Highlands of Zimbabwe where a diamond rush of sorts is in progress, making instant millionaires out of once dirt poor peasants.
Khohlwa, sibali! Forget it
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