Lest we forget...

Jonathan Nathaniel Manheru ‘Mzala Joe’ Moyo, former government wizard of spin, committed political hara-kiri by going independent in Tsholotsho in the last elections or so we thought. Arriving at the nomination courts 15 minutes before their closure, Moyo virtually handed in a political suicide note in the form of his nomination papers much to the delight of the crowd that thronged the court buildings.

The former junior minister’ fate then reminded one of those Humpty Dumpty rhymes – “All the Tsholotsho chiefs’ donkeys and all the chiefs’ men, could not put the egg-shape headed professor back again!” The man who claimed to have saved the Party (meaning Zanu PF) from sinking into oblivion was reeling from its venom. But then, Moyo went on to defy all odds to grab the Tsholotsho seat as an independent! Which says a lot about the people from that region. The rest as they say was history.

One thing became crystal clear; that Jonah’s coterie of praise singers and bootlickers in the state media would certainly get what was coming to them. The Chronicle’s Steve Ndlovu was first to be shown the door. Others are being lined up at the door. It’s a matter of time.

It was Peter Hobday, broadcaster and former presenter of BBC’s Today programme who once said, “Journalists, it is alleged, are an egocentric, single-minded, cynical, unforgiving bunch who have only one wish in life and that is to dig the dirt and ruin reputation, regardless of the facts.” He took the words out of my mouth only that he forgot to replace the word ‘journalists’ with ‘Special Project Editors” that group of hair-brained megaphones pretending to be investigative scribes.

One can safely conclude, without batting an eyelid, that Zimpapers under Jonathan Moyo was his longest suicide note in the history of politics. Now he is the sell-out, a title only reserved to the piss of the earth in ruling party definition. His is persona non grata in their pages. Its as if he never existed. Surprisingly, the very independent press that he was instrumental in oppressing is falling over each other to grant him space. It is one of life’s greatest ironies if you ask me.

We will definitely see some changes at Zimpapers with some editors looking for new accommodation in Dangamvura, Macheke or even Domboramavara. I couldn’t care less if they were shipped to Siberia. Out too will be the acid pens of fifth columnists, whose diction was suspiciously Jonathanic in shape and form, libelous, sacrilegious and downright vulgar. No journalist with all his screws in the right place would ever have dared put his signature to such drivel.

We hoped that Moyo’s departure would save us from some of the most moronic brand of reporting this side of the galaxy. He of ‘rocket scientist’ fame will be remembered by many of his uncanny ability to churn out clichés by the bucketful. They crept into every editorial in the state media to the extent that one suspected that he that he personally penned every one of those stories. The man had such stamina.

But lo and behold we are saddled with the not so Bright – aaah! - Matonga. The wet behind the ears deputy minister of Disinformation clearly needs an intelligent interpreter to decipher for us all those aaaahs and uumms that punctuate his speech. And Rueeeben Barwe is still there in his breathtakingly stupid glory. The man who took bootlicking to unprecedented depths is still groveling for his supper.

We in Zimbabwe are all in agreement on the urgent sanitization of that collection of mediocrity masquerading as a broadcasting company, Zimbabwe Broadcasting Holdings. Perish that awful experiment in spacing radio stations to give the impression of opening up the airwaves, or that perennial excuse called National Television which has been ‘coming soon’ for ages.

And the public should be happy too, that they are rid of a man created so much resentment and anger for the party through his acts in restricting their behaviour. In media studies, psychological reactance theory refers to legacy of the Moyo that was a “deliberate and systematic attempt to shape perceptions, manipulate cognitions and direct behaviour to achieve a response that furthers the desired intent of the propagandist.” - with apologies to media lecturer Kevin Moloney.

Perhaps happy days are around the corner. I hear Minister for Policy Implementation and former disk jockey Webster Shamu commissioned an inquiry at the national broadcaster whose juicy parts have just been leaked. It talks of carpet interviews, incompetent newsmen (as if didn’t we know), the dubious and economically bankrupt 100% local rubbish (sorry) content policy at Power FM and many other things that would make the at the back of your neck stand up. We await with bated breath perceived changes at Dead BC and the state press.